The "Über" Ranger Blog Show

Stroke!

Well, actually the song lyrics are a just little different but I am getting ahead of myself here a bit. It all started last Friday when my buddy Scratch bought a new 2007 Sportage 4-cyc-automatic FWD (silver). He brought it over for a wee test spin under the Northern Lights that evening, and a kick of the tires. He knew I was hell-bent on buying a new Jeep Patriot (and I was too) — but after seeing all of the extras this “swamp buggy” had to offer it got me thinking. Aaaayyyyeeeee! I was so close to cutting a deal with Derrick Dodge too, even had it lined up at below dealer invoice. The downside is I would have had to wait 3 months for DC to build and deliver it.

So, on Saturday the next night me and my wife snuck onto the closed lot of the KIA dealership in Sherwood Park to have a look around at the inventory. After getting home, I immediately sent an email through the dealership website asking to arrange a test drive with me on Sunday afternoon of the Sorento and Sportage in the LX-6 models for sometime Monday night. I never got a call back on Sunday, mainly because they had a huge sale on that weekend 0% GST and 1.9% financing (a lot less then Jeep was offering in the finance department).

I got the call on Monday afternoon, with a salesman apologizing profusely that they did not get back to me on Sunday – but could still line up a test drive if I was interested. Aaaayyyyeeeee was! So, later that evening (actually during rush hour) we made our way there and drove the two vehicles. First out was the 2007 Sportage, followed by the 2006 Sorento. The Sportage won hands down in the test drive, which in all honesty shocked the living hell out of me and the dealer. It was also way better then the Jeep Patriot test drive we took a spin for the week before. So, we decided to put ink to paper then and get the deal rolling.

Part of the final deliverables (terms of contract) I wiggled in was for them to throw in two red KIA travel mugs, 2 KIA hats, and fill them mugs with Tim Hortons double doubles. If they didn’t do that, I’d walk away from the deal. Actually, I got the idea from Scratch whom had the same terms (less the hats) — I couldn’t be outdone by my buddy could I now?

During the course of signing, we thought we had settled on the silver LX-6 FWD and slate cloth interior. Then, my wife spied a red one near the back of the lot. She said she wanted red. I saw that it was the model with the sunroof that had black leather interior (i.e., it was the LUX model). Who am I to argue, it cost us next to nothing more with the 0% GST loot being knocked off the deal. Tuesday we spent with the insurance companies lining up the required coverage, and by Wednesday the temporary pink slip was in my hand while the Diamond Cote and rubber undercoatings were still off drying someplace at the dealership on the new KIA to protect our investment.

Which brings us current to Thursday now, where we just got back from running the gauntlet of registries in acquiring plates and pinks, and afterwards finalizing all that nasty credit business and life insurance stuff. So, the moment of truth came — time to collect on the Tim Hortons or the deal could not be done. Our eager salesman tosses me his keys (he still owns it at this point), and two travel mugs, and I drive us all (my two daughters came along) in the now fully loaded vehicle (seats five very comfortably) over to the nearby Tim’s. We stand in line, of course leaving the required “courtesy gaps” when the salesman suddenly realizes to his horror he forgot his wallet! So, I pass him the keys — seeing as it’s still his vehicle and he promptly returns with the wallet — and two KIA hats. It was at this point that I phoned Scratch on my cell to inform him that the deal was almost done. At this point the salesman offers to also buy drinks for my two daughters. My elder goth-child thinking she’a all cool orders a double-double, while the younger one asks for an iced cappuccino. He even offers to throw in an order of Tim Bits at no charge for his feaux paux — that was nice of him. Or was it!?

He gets our beverages, and he passes me back the keys. We roll up the rims — damn, no free car today! I climb into the drivers seat when I hear much commotion and three Ayyyyyyyeeeeee’s from the back seat!! Hyup, my 8 year old daughter had just unloaded her full cup of iced cappuccino all over the back shiny new leather seats, and no I did not purchase the leather/fabric guard package either. A frantic pace back inside to grab a napkin dispenser off the table and there was much commotion ensuing in the parking lot as we franticly wiped it as best we could. I sighed to the salesman saying, “Kids eh!? There was likely an 80% chance that was gonna happen. Oh well, at least you have a great couple of stories by now to tell your future customers.”

So, back to the dealership where he quickly rushed it back into the detailing area to vacuum up and clean the seats. Yes, it’s all true. Even the part where after finally signing the papers to take delivery, snapping a few pics of the new SUV on the lot, I then popped in a CD and out belted “Goat – Great Life” as I drove off the lot. The salesman recognizing the tune immediately, and now having yet another tale to add around the water cooler as he counts up his money. So, for $232 bi-weekly… I can finally Start havin’ a great (debted) life… and I already promised my daughter that one day I would be there to help her pick out her new car, with a Super Big Gulp in hand, and that I had just spent her college education fund.

Note the uneaten “Tim Bits”, oh no you don’t! Not in my new car after that! Without her college fund, she may be able to work at a Timmy’s one day soon to pay her own way.

Note the elder Goth-Child in the front, ready for a “swamp buggy” ride.

Artist: Goat Lyrics
Song: Great Life Lyrics

Star havin’ a great life

Oh, what you hurry
Little brother
Don’t you know that
God loves ya’
God loves ya’
And she loves me too

Star havin’ a great life
It’s about living with inspiration.
Star havin’ a great life.

Oh, look the living barren men.
I doubt take it for granted man.

This is the Carnival
All for multi quailed dreams
Behold daring your man
On that plait trappings

He’s havin’ a great life,
He’s living with inspiration.
Star havin’ a great life.

She takes me twice around the world
Oh, that music in my head!

Star havin’ a great life
Star living with inspiration,
Star havin’ a great life.

Star havin’ a great life
Star living with inspiration
Star havin’ a great life
Star living with inspiration.

Not the fucking planned man.
Not the planned man, mmm, mmm.
Don’t take it for granted man.
Star havin’ a great life.

View the KIA Sportage Commercial Here:

Windows Media (6.0 MB)

What!? Nobody wants this car? They just keep tossing the keys away! Great marketing eh? I hope I don’t run into anything like this while I go fishing this year either!

Kia Sorento – Lake Monster at the Ends of the Earth (4.1 MB Mpeg)

PS – If you every bring an iced Capacuinno along in my new car or say the words Aaaayyyyeeeee you will promptly find yourself walking home through the swap!